The kiddo turns 1!

What a year.

Avery is now 1 year old and it is hard to imagine it has already been a year since she came into our lives. My little gal has reached her first bday and i'm a mom for 1 year. I guess i could gush about how motherhood has been really great and all but the reality is... motherhood can be pretty daunting. Esp in the initial months when you are new to the job. I remembered nights when Avery would be cranky and not sleep (even these few days!), or times when she cried and we had no idea why. How about the times she rolled off the bed and scared the shit outta us? Or when she was sick and threw up each time we tried to give her medication? Oh oh.. and how can i forget the poo projectile incidents?

Yaps... motherhood, or for that matter, parenthood is no bed of roses. To that i would also like to add that i would not have survived if not for Wilk. I'd have to give Wilk full credit for being a full time PARENT alongside me... this is one guy that really threw his whole self into parenting his own child from the get-go. He was the first one to bath her when she came home from hospital, changed her diaper, bathe her, carried her to sleep, fixes her breakfast on days when i am concussed and troughs the internet for bargains toys to shop for her. Everything that i can do... so can he (save the breastfeeding and maybe cooking her meals - but he cooks for me so we square off on that). It is true that it is easier for him to do all these... be the equal parent, ever-present father, now that we are in Melb and he has the free time to do so.

BUT i believe there are lots of men out there, who may have the time, would rather do other stuff than do these 'chores'... some of which can be dreadfully messy (poopoo explosion comes to mind). Not Wilk though... he is the only person i feel confident in leaving Avery with if i have to leave the house, cos like me, he really knows all her quirks. I guess we are lucky that we could spend this whole year, both of us, to really get to know her. In that way, Melb has been good for us.. and good for the kiddo. Someday i hope she realize how lucky she is that her Dadi took brave step and decided to forgo the cushy comfortable life back in SG in exchange for a life in Melb where we have to make do with pre-loved toys, homemade bday cakes but tons of precious time with her.

And it was time well spent. Looking back at the whole year.. she has really grown. Of course, being parents, sometime we do worry if she is 'catching up' with her peers but most times we remember that she is doing the best that she can do and the most we can wish for is for her to grow happy and healthy. And that, i believe is what she has been doing so far. Can't say that she didnt have a difficult moments but i think all kids have those. But so far, we are thankful that she has been an amazing trooper and despite her grandparents' worries that she is too skinny, she has been remarkably blessed with minimal ailments and problems. On one hand, she drives us mad when she wakes up in the middle of the night and refused to sleep unless we carried her, but on the other hand, she made us laugh so hard with her cheeky grin and funny antics. I think in the early months of her arrival, i had missed the days when i wasn't a mother.. or gotten pregnant.. but looking back now, yes, i may still occasionally miss those 'carefree' days, i don't think i can quite imagine not having her in our lives.

She has changed me quite a bit... i remembered being quite the daredevil and was quite nonchalent about death and what nots. Now, sometimes i find myself fearing what will happen to her if something happens to me. I find myself wanting to take care of myself better.. perhaps do less risky stuff (no more parachuting?). Believe it or not, i even lost my taste for gory or violent movies. Weird eh. And i am really addicted to cuddling her and cuddles become even more enjoyable now that she cuddles right back! I love the rough-housing, the blowing of raspberries on her tummy, the tickles, the rolling around on the mat, asking her to show me 'tummy tummy' or 'give Mama tutu' and seeing her hanging on to her cot rails in the morning (she wakes us up with her babbling).

She is by no means a perfect kid... and for sure, i am not perfect mom, or Wilk, a perfect dad. But to me, we are the perfect family for each other. It's year 1 and really, i can hardly wait for year 2... 3... 4... I know every year, every day, there will be different challenges as we grow together but that basic wish for her will never change.

Avery... wishing that you will grow happy and healthy... always. You will always be Mami's dearest 颖熙 baby... :)

More weather updates

Melbourne seems to be summer-ish all of a sudden. Just when we were wondering when would spring arrive, it whizzed by and became blazingly hot. Perhaps 35 deg celsius is normal in SG and frankly, i heard it could get worse here in Melb (up to 40 even), but the last few days felt a little uncomfortably hot. All the fans are blasting now and though i have, very recently, found out that the central heating unit does cooling too, we are holding on to that as the last resort. I don't know.. i am pretty tempted to just switch it on but i guess, if we can get by with fans (barely), we should really try to be green and cut down on CO2 emissions.

The folks have left the week before last. And tomorrow, my youngest bro will arrive and stay for 10days or so. I know, everyone has been telling me how lucky i am to have so many visitors. It averages about 1 visit a month from someone back home. Next month, i will be seeing my good friend Angie and her family. I know i sort of complain about some visitors (hmmmm) but i do like having visitors. Esp people i enjoy having the company of. Hahaha. Guess they can say the same for me. I am not too good a company for some people i guess. Anyway, youngest bro has not seen Avery since CNY... so it will be good for the little bub to get to see her other QQ again.

Life's been steadfastly quiet, as usual. Aside for the bout of activities whenever people are here, our lives are pretty much non-eventful. Avery still has her weekly playgroup thing with a few other bubs but her life pretty much revolves around us (and the monthly visitors). To an extend that i am wondering if she is too 'closeted'. She has been quite clingy of late and terribly difficult to put down for her naps and sleeping at night. I am also wondering if she is teething. She still only have two teeth but she kept rubbing her gums. The pacifier seems to be back in full-force, esp at night but me and wilk are just too tired to fight it anymore. Guess whatever helps her to sleep. Main priority is still that she sleep well, eat/drink well and maintain a healthy growth development. People has been saying that she has lost weight. Well, i am seeing it as well. Though initially not as concerned (she is still really energetic and happy), but when enough people start to say the same thing, you get that nagging thought in your head, wondering if you are doing anything wrong. So, i've been adding a bit more protein, carbs etc into her diet. We will see how it goes.

Her first birthday is coming up and i've been fretting. I am not sure how quite to go about it. I think we will have a picnic but do we invite any guests? And if we do.. who? If we don't.. well, what sort of celebration would that be then? And if we have guests, what do we feed them with and can i cope? As it is, i am already wondering if i should bake something for her... like a cupcake. Hmmm... i have only 3 weeks to get everything ready. Wilk said that we shouldnt stress about it, i guess he is right but things dont just magically get done by itself. I wish i am a baking supermom like my friend phyl. Sigh.

I wonder if it will be quite paiseh if i invite friends for a picnic to celebrate Avery's birthday but tell them that it is a potluck. Hmmm... argh. It's crazy that i should think so much about this because it is only a baby's birthday. BUT it is the FIRST birthday. Ooooo... guess can't avoid it.. will have to come up with something soon. Perhaps a tea party in the park. Then no need to worry about food so much. Hmmm.. just bring drinks, some cakes... sing birthday song... blow candle... and then roll about in the grass? Suddenly, i don't feel so confident as a mom... like i am letting my kid down for being such a major cop-out. Compared to so many other mommies who bake their own cakes (2 tier somemore!), have helium balloons, rented ball-pit, catered food, invited friends and other little kids for a good time celebrating their darlings birthday.

I know rationally that i shouldn't compare or even feel bad because what others have, may not be what we need to have. But sometimes it is tough not to compare. It is easier when we are far away from all that, in another country. But on occasions like these, i again, felt that pinch of not being in absolute control (away from loved ones, close friends, financial freedom and convenience). I guess i am not as lassire-faire and heck-care as i would like to be.

Updates

Nothing much to update actually.

My folks are here and as usual, am trying to cope with my mom. That said, it was a little better than the last visit. Thank goodness for dad. I am still having problems not reacting to some of the comments that my mom makes but at least we have not triggered any explosions yet. And believe me, that in itself is an accomplisment, when you put my mom and i in the same place for long duration of time. Since young, she has always treated me a little differently from my brothers. Not that she will ever admit it of cos. She goes a little berserked when put on defensive.

Sometimes i wonder if my relationship with Avery will end up like me and my mom's. Not to say that we hate each other but it is a real problem with personalities clashing. There are so many things which i could write about which bits of our personalities clashes together but i dont think i want to share them. Sometimes writing it out makes it seems worse than it really is... and my mom is not a bad person. Just.... a little focused on herself.

I cant remember the no. of times i have asked Wilkie if i am like my mom... because i would like to believe that Avery and I are going to grow up differently from how it was for me and my own mom. My mom kept saying that she can't wait till Avery grows older then she can give me the same headache i give my mom. Hmmm... i think i will get some headache for sure.. but i am crossing my fingers that it wouldnt be the same because i have no wish to be like my mom, in certain aspects.

Well... on to more cheerful things..

Weather has be getting a tad warmer. Today it was a rather humid 28degC. The little bub has been growing up and getting to be quite vocal. However, my brother has commented that she seem to look slimmer. I guess she has lost abit of chubbiness (not like she was ever that chubby in the first place). I attribute it to her growing taller... but i guess i would like to see more fats on her cheeks too. She is still eating but her appetite has diminished a little. I think it is time to explore more recipes to whet her appetite abit. Now that she is past 10mths, i felt a lot more confident in letting her try different things like chunky veg and meat casseroles, or eating off our plate. She had tried some risotto and loved it. Think she is totally in love with cheese and other stronger tasting stuff... which meant porridge can be more tasteless in comparision, and hence less popular with her palate.

I wish i can bring her swimming though but the dumb indoor pool has been close for maintenance for the longest time. The last time we checked with the building manager, he said will be okie by Nov. Somehow we are not that hopeful and it is still pretty cold for the beach.

It's children's week here in Melb and there are some free activities going around. Am hoping to bring Avery to a Animal Fair where kids get to touch and feed farm animals down at Carlton tomorrow but the timing clashes with her nap time. Hmm...

The other day we went to a Baby and Kids Market and got some pre-loved stuff for Avery. Some clothings, a pair of shoes and toys. She is quite a happy camper with her pre-loved toy phone. Quite a good idea to get pre-loved toys since she get bored with stuff pretty fast at her age and most of the time, she will just whack and throw them about. So cheap toys are fantastic and i feel less less "kek sim" if she does spoil them. A friend of mine went and got a pre-loved stroller for only $50.. and its a really well maintained one too. So plenty of good deals at the market and i think we were all quite happy.

Recipe - 糯米饭

This may not make much sense but here it goes, for those interested. As in all of my recipes, pls view the measurements with a pinch of salt and just go with your guts, cos they are just rough estimation (i tend to just grab and pinch and pour).

糯米饭

Ingredients:
2 cups of glutinous rice (soaked for at least 2 hours)
2-3 shallots (chopped)
8-10 dried shitake mushrooms (soaked and cut into strips) - save the water
2/3 cup of dried shimps (soaked and drained)
100g of pork (with abit of fat on them, cut into strips) - amount varies and optional (depending on personal preference)

2 tsp Oil
2 tsp Salt
2-3 tbsp Dark soya sauce (I am using the sticky sweet type)

Steps:
1) Drained the glutinous rice and mix in the salt evenly (taste and adjust salt accordingly) then leave it aside

2) Fry the pork with a little oil till the fat is slightly crisp and done. Take out and leave aside.

3) With the remaining oil in the work, fry the shallots till fragrant and add the dried shrimps. Fried till you get the shrimpy aroma (i add in little bit of water to the sides the wok from time to time and cover for a bit).

4) Toss in the mushrooms and stir fry it till soft. Add in the dark soya sauce and abit more water to get a bit of the sauce going.

5) When the shrimp/mushroom/shallot mixture is cooked, stir in the glutinous rice in medium heat and add water till rice is covered. Stir continously till water is absorbed and rice start to become 'gooey'. This is the part where 'when you see it, you will know".

6) At this point, you can stir in the pork till well mixed so that the end result will get a nice porky taste (but also abit more oily) or you could scoop out the rice into a round pan and lay the pork on top of the rice. Steam the rice for 45mins.

7) Garnish with some spring onions and serve with ikan bilis/peanut with belachan on the side.

糯米飯 and my mom

Made this for a gathering tomorrow. Would have made it on the day itself except we will be busy the whole afternoon cos' one of my ex-colleague (now one of the SIA gals) smsed to say that she will be in town for a day tomorrow, and asked if we could catch up before she flew back to SG.

Making 糯米饭 was sort of an accidental thing. Wilkie has been clamouring for one of those tier-steamer thingy for the longest time becos he is adamant in perfecting his 鸡蛋糕, which he insist didn't "发" as well as it should due to the fact that steaming it in the wok just doesn't provide adequate space for it's 'growth'. Ah so we made a trip to Richmond yesterday, to one of those Chinese household goods store we had passed by before, and procured the necessary steamer so that my dear hubs can continue on his quest to his perfect 鸡蛋糕. But before he could do that, we were faced with the question of what to bring as a dish to the potluck gathering. I've decided on 糯米饭 becos' Wilkie bought a small pack of glutinous rice the other day, as a means to persuade me to get a steamer. You have to admire that devious mind of his becos' i did not want to have a steamer in the first place as i have no wish to be eating anymore 鸡蛋糕. But he knew i like glutinous rice and to convince me on the purchase, swayed me by saying that we can make glutinous rice too! Ahhh..... it is hard to deny a man his wish when his heart is set on 鸡蛋糕...

Anyway... i have a vague idea of how to make 糯米饭 after tasting the yummy creations of my mom's over the years. I tried sourcing other recipes online but nothing looked like what she did. So i called her and asked her for her recipe, and coupled with my vague memories, sought to recreate the same thing. This reminded me so much of my days studying in London which is when i started to cook properly for the first time, being far away from home (and those who do the cooking - i.e. mom and maid). I remembered i would try to make everything from what i've seen my mom/maid made before. The easy stuff isn't too difficult... i guess i DID pick up a thing or two just by being my mom's official tester (she seem to trust my taste bud more than anyone's in the family). But for the complicated stuff, i would brave the cost of an expensive overseas call to clarify with her on a few points of the recipes.

Actually, it is not easy trying to get a recipe out of my mom and -understand- it, if you have never watched her cook before. Becos' like me, she doesn't really bother with measurements. So what you get is alot of ...

"remember what i did with the meat? ya.. just add the sauce until you think enough... and then stir until done. Ah you know should know how it look like right?... don't forget to add the pork last... but if you can also add in before... the amount you see yourself la... you will know when you see it..."

There. No mention of the timing or the measurements of the ingredients/cordiments, and a jumble of the cooking sequences. So to get the full picture of the recipe, you have to either have seen the process before or ask very intelligent questions. But that said, my mom is what i would call an inituitive cook and a pretty darn good one. She cooks without reference to cookbooks or written recipes. Sure, she does watch cooking programs on and off but you will never find her replicating others'. She cooks from experience and adds her own flair to standard stuff (however, her Hakka heritage shows). She enjoys food/cooking and when the fancy strikes her, has the ability to replicate things she tasted from other restuarants/stalls. In recent years though, she has relegate the cooking responsibilities to her maids and played a much more supervisory role but if the you taste the standard of cooking her maids have, you will have to admit that they have a pretty formidable '师傅'. It is not a coincidence that the maid cooks a great deal better whenever my mom is back in town.

For all her idiosyncracies, her ability to whip up delicious food from scratch without a cookbook, is one which i had hoped i would inherit but i doubt it. What i did inherit though, was the inherent belief that my mom's way, my mom's taste, my mom's cooking processes are the best. Which is why sometimes i am insistent of how certain things should be cooked in the kitchen, becos' that's how my mom would do it.

When i was cooking the 糯米饭, i realized that i am really influenced by her in this aspect. I can actually -see- what she has told me and her, what must have been confusing to others, recipe made perfect sense. That's how it is... and it is these times when i felt closest to my mom even though she is thousands of miles away. I am sure i did not do everything exactly like she said but she has given me enough to let me go on my own, as in all things that she (and of cos' my dad) has given me. There never was a step-by-step manual... just a lot of gist, leaving you the room to figure out the missing bits on your own. You can always clarify but in the end, it's you at the stove and trust that 'you will know, when you see it'.

So how did my 糯米饭turned out? Well let's just say that, though there can always be improvements (and i am sure i will, with time), i don't think i will disappoint the woman who gave me my starting point.

Normality

Now that things are quiet again, Wilk and I spent the morning doing the chores we have neglected to do when his folks were here. It's amazing how much dust/dirt/hair etc we have accumulate over the last 8-9days even though i have been sweeping the floor almost daily when everyone is asleep (That's the only time when people/baby were not underfoot). It was so bad that by the end of the week, everytime Avery crawl on the floor, she was picking up dust balls on her clothing and needed to be dusted off each time we carried her.

The week went by quicker than i anticipated. I dont think i can make a good hostess.. at all. Perhaps i will do a better job if there was only 1 or 2 people visiting at a time. But with 3, i am just too caught up with the logistics (e.g. how to fit everyone plus baby into the car) and feeling claustrophobic with the additional people in the already small apartment. I am not by nature a very sociable person. I can deal with big crowds if i am just a passive 'participant' e.g. part of audience etc. But if i have to actively 'engage'... argh. Really... even weekly marketing in a crowded/noise market can send my stress level shooting up sky high because i have to managed the shopping list, 'force' my way through other shoppers and avoid kicking the shop attendants when they were shouting (cries akin to our 'lelong lelong'). The only way i cope is that i try to tune things/people out. Better yet, try to stand at the most 'isolated' corner of the whole situation. Wilkie thinks that it is funny... well, i don't. When he try to imitate their 'lelong-ing', i almost bit him.

Back to the last week...

It is actually wonderful that we have family visiting, especially for Avery but... still, i found it hard to cope with having more people than our little family in our little bit of space. Seems like the only bit of 'me' space is the chair infront of my laptop... and late at night when others are sleeping. Like i said.. if its only 1, i would have enjoyed the visit alot more. Well, even if its my own folks visiting, i also get into a similar sort of 'stress'... What more, with family, they also have a tendency to... try to 'improve' on what you are doing. Aside from being not very sociable, i also have a distinct independence streak in me (okie, self-centreness) that doesn't tolerate helpful suggestions (okie, interference) very well. Esp when the other parties start to take matters in their own hand. I am still sort of unsure about how i ought to feel... on one hand, i understand and am grateful for 'help', yet i cant help feeling like something is being encroached upon. All in all... aside feeling the claustrophobia, i am feeling a myriad of intense feelings come and go.

Hence it is with a sense of relief, tinge with apologies (for feeling the relief), that life has now gone back to my quiet piece of 'normality'. I think Wilk and Avery definitely enjoyed the visit. Especially Avery, with all the old folks doting on her and carrying her, she is feeling the 'loss' because suddenly she is all clingy and wanting to be carried now that we are back to just being us 3. Sigh... well, that's life. Have to take the good stuff with the bad i guess.

4th year (I think) Wedding Anniversary

My god.. i nearly forgot that today is our wedding anniversary. 09/09/09! (Hmm i did contemplate that we should get married on this date - today! - but then we didn't want to wait another 4 yrs :P).

Actually, can't really blame me.. with trying to sleep-train Avery.. stressing out about the in-laws visit (Argh.. where can i hide the pacifier?! What if Avery cries all the time?! What is she is STILL sick?!?) and her falling ill, i clear forgot that 4yrs ago, this day, me and wilkie got married in the far-flung corner of Spore - Raffles Marina Country Club. Until Wilk reminded me yesterday. hMmm. Me bad.

So what did we do today?

With one sick baby at home, what do you think we did?!

Well, good news is that Avery's fever subsided. But that was before the morning puke (when we fed her medicine), incessant crying in the afternoon, and super-duper super-glue clingy behaviour all day from the little one. I passed out about noon time because i was on night duty last nite (putting cool compress on the bub and adjusting it as she keeps pushing it off) and when i woke up, wilkie was passed out with a sleeping baby on his lap on the sofa. She had been fussing during her nap and refused to be alone. In the evening time, Wilk had to rush to Monash Uni for a postgrad talk while i tried to entertain little bub on my own. She did have a nap, which during that time i had to prepare something appetitising for her dinner because she didn't have much appetite to eat for the last day and half (made her cheesy mash potato/califlower which she liked).

Right on time, as she awoke from her nap (a good hr of so), Wilkie returned home with takeaway jap food from outside the Uni. 3 of us had dinner together and it was nice because the little bub started eating again and almost finished her bowl of mash. Then the 3 of us played "Whack Alfred" where all of us were sitting in a circle, with blanket on our feet and Alfred (Avery's Brobee soft toy) in the middle, each 'whacking' him with a tube of pop-beads. Wilk and I were pretty tickled but Avery was more interested to grab Alfred so that she could chew on his hair. Then another round of medication, which is always a two-men job. One to carry her and one to syringe her. The one carrying her (usually me) normally ends up being puked on but we were lucky that time. After which, it is wipe down, feeding time and putting her to bed.

By the time all that is done... its almost 10pm. And there is no way we can go out for dessert or walk or coffee or... well....

I know it sounds dreary but really, it is not. It is not that the day we got married wasn't worth celebrating but rather, 'celebrations' can take on so many forms and dimensions.

I think that Avery being ok is a celebration.
I think that having someone to count on when dealing with a sick baby is a celebration.
I think that someone cooking lunch for you and then buying take out so that you dont have to worry about cooking dinner while caring for a baby is a celebration.
I think that 3 of us being able to play together is a celebration.
I think that having a chance to watch and laugh at our own baby grow and do silly things is a celebration.
I think that not having the pressure to 'perform' and come up with some spectacular plan for wedding anniversary is a celebration.
I think that the ability to smile ruefully at each other when the little one pukes (for the 2nd time during medicine time) because we each know telepathically that there goes our plan to go out for a family meal, is a celebration.

I think time spent together, as a family, is a celebration.

So happy anniversary dear... :)

Sleeping discontinued... Sick alert.

Avery fell sick right after we embarked on sleep training.

A tiny part of me (and perhaps wilk) is questioning if her fever was brought on by her crying at night (incidentally, right after my last post, she didn't have any major crying, just a few whining cries and felt back asleep on her own.. hmmm). Of course rationally, we know that it's most likely she caught a bug or something. In any case, i hate it when she falls sick even though i know that in a way, its supposed to be good for her. I've read somewhere that its better for kids to fall sick before their first year.. helps to build up their immunity etc. Still... i hate it when it happens. It is quite miserable when she is all lethagic when feverish, and even when temp down, she wasn't as active as before (though she continued to play and 'talk'). At her worst, she would just want to cling to my shoulders and lie there, all 'zoned out'. So for the whole afternoon today she sat cuddled on my lap watching "Sound of Music" with me while i sang her to sleep, which she wouldn't have let me on a typical day.

Since birth, Avery has been pretty blessed in that she did not have much medical issues. Nothing like eczema, sinus, rash (not even diaper rash), cradle cap etc. Nothing that required especial attention anyway. While the old folks felt that she is a bit on the 'small' side, her developmental checks has shown her to be consistently on the 50th percentile on her weight (height had peaked at 75th percentile when she was 6mth). I can count the few times that she has been sick on the fingers of one hand. Her first was a stomach flu which had us scurrying to the A&E at midnight when her temp went up to 39degC. That was back in SG when going to the doc or paed is pretty much the SOP when kids get sick (just check out the lines at those 24hr clinics). But in Melb, that's a different story altogether. Firstly, i dont really see that many GPs here, and i don't think i've seen a 24hr clinic around (except the A&E at the hospitals). What we do have are plenty of pharmacies and each of them comes with at least 1 pharmacist in attendence (not like Guardian back in SG). Even if you were to go to a GP, you will still need to get your prescription at the pharmacy anyway. So i guess most people just head off to the pharmacy and get the pharmacist to recommend something, if they have common ailments.

More than one friend in Melb had also told us that GPs , most of the time, will not give medication to kids anyway, believing that kids will eventually fight off the bug and gain immunity without much medical intervention. Unlike in SG, almost no one i know has a Paed for their kids because GP is good enough and if its REALLY serious, they will then refer you to a specialist (paed). Makes newly arrived SG parents who asked for recommendations for Paeds looked a little bit KS and silly (like yours truly, guilty as charge).

With this fever, it is Avery's 2nd time being sick (fever from vaccination don't quite count since we were anticipating it). The other time was quite a nasty cold (continuous mucus for 1wk and mild fever). Wilk and I are a little bit more prepared mentally this time and did not go into the 'must find a doctor' mode. We just went about as most parents do here in Melb, give the bub doses of Nurofen when her temp hit 38.5degC and sponge her as much as we can when her fever spike. If what other parents advised are true, her fever should subside after 1-2 days. With no other symptoms, i doubt the docs will be able to come up with a diagnosis anyway, other than "looks like a viral fever". Still, we are monitoring and observing her dutifully, watching out for signs that may indicate more serious illnesses (H1N1??). In the meantime, it will just be a little more tiring on us to make sure that she is comfortable by alleviating her temp as much as possible through the night.

Looks like another night of duty for us... Sigh.

Sleeping woes

For a while i contemplated if i should write this here or over at Avery's blog. In the end decided here since she will probably never know the hell she puts me through with her sleeping.

Perhaps i am already considered quite lucky because Avery is pretty regular in her bedtime (9pm, give and take 1/2 hr) and waking-up time (9am, give and take 1/2 hr). She also has an established nap routine (twice a day, once after morning breakfast/shower, once in late afternoon after her snack). She has also started to go to bed when still awake (but drousy) instead of nursing to sleep. My main problem is that nowadays, during the night time, she would get up 3-4 times in the middle of the night, starting from 3am. She is not hungry (i tried feeding her but she nod off after a couple of minutes), not in pain, not hot, not cold.. not in anyway that i could described as 'distressed'. She just wanted to be carried. Patting her in her cot, saying 'shh-shh' (her sleeping cues which i used right from when she is an infant) did not help. She will only stop the moment i carried her in my arms. And if she is not in a deep sleep, i could not put her down because she would start wailing again.

I was at the end of my rope literally. The last couple of weeks once she start this, i could hardly get any good sleep. I would just about drop off into zzz land and there she would start. It was so bad that i started getting headaches and groggy in the day, and needed a nap myself (when she is napping). But i am not good with naps, i wake up even more groggy and my daytime hours are wasted when i could be catching up on my housework or other stuff. Her need to be cuddled in the middle of the night (a couple of times!) is seriously turning my life upside down. I've tried the No-cry sleep solution method but still the same. She was on a pacifier which did helped (she would cry but stop once the paci is in her mouth) but i think this is compounded the issue because she has outgrown her old paci and wouldnt take to the new one (its a different shape). Since i thought it may be a good idea then to just wean her off the paci, i did not try to get more pacifiers for her to 'try out'.

In the end, i let her cry it out last night. My energy was sapped and i was just plain unwilling to carry on the vicious cycle of waking up a few times a night just to carry her. Wilkie just mentioned the other day "May your words be like honey, because someday you may have to eat them". Well... i am eating them. I've said that i couldn't, wouldn't let Avery CIO because it is just plain cruel. Of course, she was much younger than when i said it but really, CIO method doesn't make me feel good AT ALL. I was just too tired to do anything else last night and Avery cried for 1hr before she gradually dropped off to sleep. It was a tough 1 hr as me and wilkie remained wide awake listening to her, wanting desperately to go and soothe her. And a couple of times i nearly did... only to stop myself right at her door because i know the minute i do pick her up, the last 20-30mins was an effort wasted and she would cry even HARDER if we ever try this again. Its like a road of no return that we have embarked on because turning back will just make the matter worse and i will be back living my zombie life again.

It was a long long LONG time (okie, 1 hr but felt damn long) before she cried herself to sleep but after that, she did not wake up again till 9am in the morning. She was all bright and sunny when she woke up, as if the previous night had not happened at all. The only discernable difference is that she napped longer than she had before (almost 2 1/2 hrs when usually she will sleep for 1 1/2hr or so).

So tonight is another night... do i still want to carry on with this method? My brain tells me that i have no choice but to continue this at least for 2-3days to ascertain if its working, if at all (by observing the duration of crying - should be decreasing). After all, as in all behaviour management techniques, a behaviour will always increase first before decreasing when the technique is first applied. If i stop the CIO method now, i wouldn't know if it will really work for her. However, my heart is telling me that the next few days will really hurt and i better brace myself for it (wilkie too) if i am really seriously considering to do this.

It is now 11.01pm. Since her bedtime at 9pm, she had started to cry after an hour and half or so. The first time, i breastfed her because she may not have drank sufficiently during her 9pm feed. But when she cried again at 10.50pm... i continued typing this blog and guess what? She stopped on her own after 10mins. I guess my plan, at least for tonight, is that i will continue to feed her at midnight but try to ignore any other crying till at least 6am. It's cold turkey time. *grim*

In whatever case, i really REALLY hope that we can get through this by next saturday because that's when my MIL and grandMIL are visiting. And i doubt they will like to hear Avery crying or being left to cry alone. Crossing fingers... pls baby.. do it for Mami okie? :P

Changes

Since arriving here in Melbourne nearly 3 months ago, my life has changed rather drastically. Like having to adapt to the wintery chills after years in a tropical country, to being a full time stay-at-home mom/housewife, a whole different universe from when i was working (and childless).

Some of the new things which i have to grapple with:

- Handling a growing child. This child, being my own, is vastly different from handling other people's children during my course of work. For one, i am responsible 24/7 as opposed to just 2-3hrs when the child is in school. It is a daily challenge to keep up with her growth and provide the necessary/appropriate food, stimulation etc. At work, as long as i continue to cater to the same demographic of students, my work can be pretty much the same but with Avery, i have to 'tailor' my stuff to grow with her, almost on a daily basis. It is a constant watching and adjusting that i have to do, on everything from the type of food she eats to the behaviour she displays.

- Trying to organize my time which revolves around baby, hubby and home. When working, there was at least a structure. Have to get to work by 8am. Leave work by 6pm. Lunch time is at 12. Same thing from monday to friday. Over here, everyday is like the weekend. It took me 2 months to get some form of structure in place... and even that, it was conform to fit into baby's meal/nap/play/sleep routines.

- Thinking (as opposed to worrying) about financial matters. True, that we have a stash of savings put aside for coming here but that, cannot last _forever_. So here i find myself watching every single penny going out for nothing is coming in (save the money held in various stocks/investment left in Spore - but in this economy... i just have to be thankful that i am not 'losing' more money instead). Previously, i wouldnt even blink an eye splurging on a thousand odd dollar bday gift for my brother (incidentally, a bally's briefcase for his first offer of job), now it is a treat if i get to buy bubble tea.

- Doing _real_ housework and cooking. I mean, as a daily thing, as oppose to doing it for 'fun' or on a whim. Sure, i did used to do them when i was young (when family was poor and parents were both working) but for the longest time, i had lived with domestic helper present in my home and didn't have to lift a finger to do any real housework/cooking (studying in London doesn't really count because i didn't have my own family then, and could pretty much make do with anything).

Sometimes, the changes are tough and i do find myself wondering what am i in for.. being with a child in a foreign country. There's so much learning and UNlearning to do. On the good days, it is all very exciting and interesting. On the not-so-good days, i wondered if i made the right choice in giving up everything familar to me for a life that i have now.

Well, guess we can only look ahead. :)

Cooking storm

Lately we have been pretty preoccupied with cooking (while the windy storm is progressing outside - not much places to go outdoors) as evident on my facebook photo page. We dont always take pictures of what we cook and eat because most time it is the normal stuff. We do when its something that require a little extra effort (or perhaps alot of extra effort).

At the moment, i am also toying with the concept of documenting adult food made out of 'necessity'. To be frank, i dont think i am a real cook per se. More like 'accidental' cook. The way i do groceries totally reflects this because i don't shop with a list. That is, i do not really plan what i want to make and then go get ingredients for it (only exception is food for baby but that's another story altogether). However, there are times when i will deliberate get one or two missing ingredients to make something because i already have the majority of the stuff at home. Most times, we will just get a bunch of generic stuff (meat, veggies, fruits) or whatever happens to be on sale at that time (most time it is mince meat of some sort). Then it is a case of "Hmm what can we make today" for the rest of the week. And believe me, it can get pretty challenging towards the later end of the week when supplies run low and you need to come up with something that involves 1 carrot, 2 tomatos, 200g of diced lamb, half a pack of tofu.

Challenging but fun and satisfying when the result turns out great (if it turned out so-so, well... at least our tummies are full). I guess it is a similar feeling for those contestants on MasterChef's invention test challenges. It is with these 'accidental dishes' that you can see the big difference between my culinary exposure vs wilkie's. I guess we ARE what we eat... After years of my mom's hakka cooking and watching cooking shows, I have a penchant for spices such as ginger, pepper, vinegary, salty savoury stuff, plus a hefty dose of 'Ang Moh' dishes. While Wilkie likes his black bean paste, curry powder, sichuan powder and dash of fish sauce, in what is what i can best describe as Asian dishes infused with 'wilkism' (mixture of hokkien, hainanese and god knows what influence).

This is also why it is not a great idea for the two of us to cook 'together'. After the first few 'clashes' where we counter questions each other's cooking processes, we decide it is best to decide who is the chef and who is the sous chef for the day. Works out great from then on. Wilk makes fantastic curries and enjoys making simple things that takes up alot of processing time. He conceded that my 'Ang Moh' dishes are better (i suspect my asian stuff, while edible, aren't really something to call home about) and i enjoy 'mixing & matching' the various ideas i have seen.

Still, there is always room for improvements but i doubt i will ever become a real cook. One case in point, while Wilkie is quite meticulously writing down all the recipes of stuff he made on his blog. I can hardly be bothered with mine. Mainly cos, i dont actually follows recipes.. it is the "see how it goes" and "i think i shd add this now" sort of thing. Aiya.. can eat can already la..

Mine or Baby's

The problem of keeping two blogs is that it gets really tiring trying to write and not 'overlap'. Hence i decided that Avery's blog shall just be everything from her POV but otherwise, i am just going to keep posting here. Who knows, when she is older, i will just hand over her blog to her and she can continue it.. (If i last that long that is).

Meal Planning for Avery

Since Avery started on solids, it has been quite an adventure trying to cook different things to increase her meal time options and expand her palate. But it is difficult to cook single portions each time so i've come up with a sort of system to provide her with a basic variety of meal options and maximizing time-efficiency. Not a perfect system but so far it is working out for me in terms ofproviding her with 3 square meals a day.

Preparing Stock - once a week
This is pretty easy because i will strain out about 4 portions of stock to freeze while preparing soup for our own meals. The best and easiest is the traditional ABC soup because i can also mash up some portions of the vegs in the soup for Avery at the same time.

Ingredients for ABC Soup - Chicken Bones (or breast meat - less oil, or whatever soup bones), 1 large onion, 1 large tomato, 2 potatos, 1 carrot (sometimes i add 1 corn cob as well). Be sure to wash the bones off with boiling water before adding into the pot of boiling water to reduce the scrum forming. I will set aside 3-4 portions of about 180-200ml for freezing. Additional, i've also freeze 1 portion of the soup (with various chunks of veggies)

Mass-Production of a Protein cum Veggie Mix (e.g. Beef/Veg Stew) - once a week
I will usually do it on the weekend and i will end up with about 5-6 baby cubes portion of this. It is easy to make and it can be done with any type of mince meat (lamb, chicken..). Similarly, the veggies can also vary depending on what i think Avery likes for the week. So far i have used, squash (butternut or pumpkin), sweet potato, corn (grated), potato, peas, carrot, small onion, broccoli. The consistent one is of course the mince and tomato, plus 2 other type of veg (i find that any more veg and it is a waste of ingredients because it will all end up tasting pretty much the same).

Recipe for Beef/Veg Stew (Squash & Corn)
1) Take 1 large tomato, cut a small cross at the top and cover it with boiling water for 30s. Then immediately put into cold water. Peel off the skin (that's what the cross cut is for). Cut and scoop out the seeds, then dice the flesh.

2) Chop finely (or small cubes) 1/4 small squash (peeled and deseeded). Grate 1 corn cob.

3) Heat 1 tsp of olive oil and saute 115 grams of lean mince beef till brown/crumbly (about 3-4mins). Add in the squash and tomato, saute it till veggie is all soft. Then add in 150ml of water or stock (i would use the one i've freezed) and bring it to a boil. Stir in the grated corn and then reduce heat and simmer for about 10-15mins.

When Avery was younger, i would puree the whole thing, adding some water if the mixture is too thick but nowadays, she can pretty much eat the soften veggie on her own. I just need to make sure that before i cook the mince, i minced it further on my own, chopping and mashing it with the back of my chopper.

Steam fish (salmon, grenadier etc) - once a week
I will try to let Avery have 1 or 2 portions of fish a week because omega 3 in oily fish are suppose to be good. A portion of fish, about 1 inch thick and 3-4 inches wide, can be split into 2-3 baby cubes. Just steam with 2 slice of ginger, a touch of pepper (optional). I tend to freeze them before flaking. When reheating, i will add a bit of water before reheating because fish tends to dry out.

Steam and mash Veg/Fruit - once a week
Can do 2-3 different type of veggie and fruits at the same time. Like pears, apples etc. I will usually make enough to fill 3-4 baby cubes. Or else it is handy to have fruits that does not need to be steam around the kitchen (e.g. papaya, honeydue)

Porridge - 3 times a week
I do not freeze porridge so what's cook on the day will be used for lunch and dinner. I will soak the rice the night before and before cooking it, i rub the rice to break it down further. The porridge can be boiled with water and a few pieces of dried scallops (soaked in hot water first for 15mins). But i will add a portion of the stock in (top up with water to required amount) without the scallops most of the time (unless i have no more stock at hand). In the porridge, i will add in veggies like spinach, broccoli, carrot, potato, sweet potato etc. For the hardier veg like potato, carrot, sweet potato and broccoli, i will add in when the porridge first come to a boil, but for spinach, i will add in before i serve. The trick to cooking porridge without it sticking to the pot is NOT to stir it anytime it is being boiled. Once the porridge comes to a boil, reduce the heat and continue to boil for another 15-20mins. Once the porridge is almost done, switch off the gas, cover the lid and leave it for another 15mins. When it is time for Avery's lunch, i will turn on the gas and then stir, mashing up the veggie as i go along, to the suitable texture.

So how does it all work out?
Breakfast is usually instant cereal with a portion of fruit (e.g. banana is always handy or just some steam apples).

Lunch/Dinner.. It is matter of mixing and matching really.
Some ideas:
- The portions of stock can be used for porridge and cooking stews.

- The portion of soup (with veg) can be reheated, once done, add 1 tsp of couscous and leave to stand for 2-3mins (or run it thru the microwave at low heat for 2mins).

- Beef stew can be served with porridge, instant cereals, baby pasta (just cook the pasta and stir in the reheated stew) or with mash potato. Grate on some hard cheese (e.g. cheddar) and it will be yummy.

- For porridge, either add in one type of mince meat (pork or chicken) or if plain, stir in fish flakes or even the beef stew. If Avery is having one portion of protein for lunch, then she will have the plainer veg porridge with one portion of fruits for dinner.

- I always have some avocado lying around my kitchen as an additional 'dish' to add to her lunch or dinner because she loves them so much. Otherwise, lunch or dinner gets an additional mash veg or steam fruit.

So there we go... enough food to go around. On and off when i do run short, there are also emergency jar food to add on for variety sake. I have fruit custard which are great to add in her cereals for breakfast or tea. And now i am trying yogurt and cheese cubes for snacks, on top of her rusk biscuits. Actually, before Wilk and i started our 'cooking blitz', i would say Avery is the one having the best meals in the family everyday!

Choices

In the last week, my dear hubs made a few difficult choices which i truly appreciated how difficult it must have been for him.

I think we all need to make such choices in some point in time of our lives, one that will possibly determine who we are and who we will be in the future. Sometimes the choices may be as simple as crossing a stream while others, it is like taking that leap across the mighty canyon.

I know he feels that he owes alot of people (including me) alot of explanation but i think it is really unnecessary because he is who he is and he should always try to live his life for himself first and foremost, than any others. As long as his choices makes him feel fulfil and happy, Avery and I will feel the same. That's what family is all about right?

I wish i can help him more but i guess certain things can only be decided by oneself. The only issue with this is that sometimes people perceived that his decisions were somewhat because of me... and well, thats another story altogether and not one i am quite happy to go into. In any case, as long as he is doing what he feels passionate about, i am happy to stand beside him. There is really no reason why he feels the need to justify his decisions to others in my opinion. But i know its tough for someone who cares so much about what people close to him feels and think. Don't know what else i can say except... i believe in you... it will be alright. :)

People with clean asses

There are those people who have really clean asses. No matter how much shit they pooped (pardon the rather gross analogy) but they always come out smelling like roses.

Me? I get shit on my shoes even when i am waving my pompoms at the other end of the stadium from the toilet.

See... some people are just born into that type of life while others, like me, tread in poo even when trying to avoid it.

What gives?

Defensive offensive

In any games, i would usually prefer to play offensive than defensive. I am the type that rather 'do' than 'wait' you see... Its usually 'attack first, talk later'. Sure, sometimes you might get your head bashed in but i'd rather like to go down in flames of glory than cower behind castle walls. Guess, it is no wonder that i get my head bashed in more often than not... since some will argue, i don't fight smart.

Of life and love and everything else in between...

As my good friend, Twerp, used to say: "Eye god eh lanning node" *sniff* My first pressie from baby...

Life is melbourne is best described as a slice of quiet, sandwiched by bustling mummy-dom. It is time and energy consuming to say the least. That slice of quiet is slowly becoming thinner and thinner as baby gets older and more active. Boy, am i glad that she is still napping regularly and bedtime has been regulated (9pm and the little one starts to zone out, yay!). The initial euphoria (or was it hysteria, or fear? Hmmm can't remember now. Think pregnancy amnesia has not abated) has dissipated and now i am truly facing the grind of the daily melbournean(?) life. With the wintery gales blowing outside and baby's cold, baby and i are pretty much stuck at home while wilk goes to school. I dress sloppily, hair all messed up and has my shirt pretty much covered in baby drool and mucous (so no point getting all dressed up in the first place right?). The day is spent according to baby's routine of feeding, bathing, cleaning, playing and sleeping. I try to fit in some personal time when she goes to zz-zz land for some quality "Me" time but usually, those periods are spent completing housework or vegging out infront of my computer, with the TV doing running commentary of whatever show they have on (sometimes it can be something engaging like a nice documentary, then i am in luck).

That's life in short. Simple, quiet and minimal fuss. I know i ought to start doing 'more' (hmmm.. baking??) but for now, i am quite contented to just sort of 'drift' awhile. Quite a drastic change from my daily fire-fighting (email lambasting) days of yore, at work. I do miss the adult interactions, esp my buddies from work etc but i get my dose of it from FB, twitter, MSN daily on cyberspace. If i really want to see anyone, there's also skype but i try not to (see the above regarding 'sloppy'). Actually, now that i am not working and being busy outside of the house, i actually get to chat with more people that falls outside my usual zone of interaction (workplace), which is not too bad as well.

Seriously though... the only thing i really sort of 'miss' is perhaps the financial independence i've had while i was working. Not that i earned a lot (people in the voluntary welfare sector can attest to that) but since i am not an extravagent spender (mostly meals and movies), i do get by quite well with my modest disposable income every month. And when baby comes along, i delighted in scouring through various buying sprees organized on forums for things that might be useful or nice for her (playmat, baby cream etc). But i will be more hesitant to indulge in that now. Actually, i didnt miss the money much when we got here. Sure, we are both not working but we have set aside a fair amount of money (ok, enough la) for our lives here, at least to cover us for 2-3yrs (if we are careful with it). And with my virtually non-existent personal spending habit (serious! Ask wilk!), i didnt feel much of the pinch when the income stopped coming in.

BUT.. and this is a big BUT, i did feel that sour, bitter feeling of not having the option of spending money as i please (as and when i like) when i find having to stop myself from several purchases, which i otherwise would have made if i am still working, for baby. Toys that she might have liked (or not, but it doesn't matter), clothings, furnitures, cutesy bedlinen (they cost a fortune!) etc. I have weight each purchases against our budget, the necessity of the item and look for cheaper alternatives. So, while we are by no means poor and i am pretty comfortable personally, sometimes it made me uncomfortable and sometimes a bit sad to think that perhaps that we may not be able to provide the best in everything for the baby. But then, at the end of the day, i just have to remind myself that not all things that are worthwhile and good, can be equated to a price tag. Baby still get her fair share of toys and clothings, just that we buy them from sales and i am most grateful when friends/family send gifts or gift cards.

Initially, there is that tiny grain of 'pride' that makes me wonder if i am receiving 'charity' because of our circumstances but then, i am not ashamed of where we are now because it is a conscientious choice we've made which we had prepared ourselves for. Well-meaning gifts from friends and family shouldn't be seen as charity. I always think that people will pity you, only if you pity yourself. So while its true that baby may not have tons of toys and pretty clothes, but i don't think she will grow to think that she has less than her peers because i certainly don't think that she has less. Hey, like my brother said, its 'character-building'! Well, i truly hope that then she will be gifted with a good character, a strong spirit and a loving heart above all else.

Domestic goddess? Moi?

Here in my new life... i imagined a simple life filled with baby, husband, housework, cooking and... well... everything else in between. The other women i've met or know of here, are what i would simply describe as "domestic goddesses" (even if they themselves don't think they are). They cook, they bake, they quilt, they plant, they sow, they harvest, they do housework, they take care of children and still managed to look fantastic. The blogs i read are filled with recipes... arts and crafts... gardening tips... tips for caring of children... with happy pictures of happy family.

I think i have a lot to live up to...
and i worry that i am probably going to fail rather miserably.

Do i like to bake?
Do i like to cook?
Well.. i guess i do like to eat...

Do i like to quilt? Make crafts? Garden?
Hmmmmm.....

Do i like taking care of kids?
It used to be my job.

Do i like doing housework?
It will take a rare individual who actually enjoys housework but it does bug me if things are messy. Still.. i can close one eye or two...

I think people who look at me leaving my respected job as a psychologist, leaving my comfortable life with a domestic helper, for a place like Melbourne with my family and 6 pieces of luggage must think that i am all set to be a stay-at-home-mom cum domestic 'divinity' (perhaps goddess is just abit too much). Here's the dips... i have no freaking clue. So far, i am just making it up as i go along. I doubt i will quilt or garden (wilk seems interested). I may cook or bake occasionally but i wont be surprise if my buns come out rock hard. Wilk will probably still find my cooking a little 'off' compared to what he would like. As for housework.. i think the one eye/two eye close policy will probably still stand.

I wouldn't be a psychologist to my baby but just another average mom... making do with commercial cereals or throw everything into the pot meal if i'm feeling lazy or spent too much time online playing bejewelled blitz on facebook. I will play with her but i will also feel harrassed enough to leave her on her own while i struggle to complete the housework or cooking. Wilk will probably not find me a better 'wife' compared to our lives in Spore cos i am still going around in my tattered t-shirts and grumbling at him whenever he fuss with the garden or take too much time in the kitchen or computer. We will still go out as a family... but probably not as often as we thought we would. At least not till baby is older.

So... a domestic life yes. If you can call it that. But like everyone else... we are just surviving and learning that happiness is in the little things, in everyday non-perfect lives, with what we have. Goddess? I think i am just human.. and it's enough for me... for now.

OH! Wanton mee!

So.. the other day we made wantons... Got the wanton skins from the same asian grocer we got the soyabeans.

Mince pork, shitake mushroom... No water chestnuts so we substituted with carrots. End result is we need abit more seasoning and less pork mince. We had enough filling to make wantons for 20 pax instead of just 3 (me, wilk and my bro). Made about 8 wantons for each person and leftover mince was used to make a sort of meat pancake.. well to be precise, 3 big meat pancakes since raw stuff should never be re-freezed.

With the wanton, we had noodles and caixin in soup... wish we had some char sieu but hey, at least we had the wantons! Still have alot of wanton skins left.. am thinking if i could use them to make sieu mais.. hmmm if not i guess its fried wantons.. I love fried wantons. Wilk not so much but oh well.. there are enough wanton skins to go around. Any more suggestions what to do with the wanton skins?

Milking... the soyabean

This can be considered our first home 'project'... making soyabean milk.

Things that we usually take for granted back home can be downright expensive. A small cup of soyabean milk, we found, was AUD$2 at Boxhill's food court compared to S$0.80 a big packet from wet market back home. We are resigned to the fact that some things are going to be comparatively more expensive here but we are certainly trying not to be held ransom by it whenever we feel like having some 'home comforts'. Hence, "Project Soyabean".

So a bag of raw soyabeans and 10stalks of cut pandan leaves (or what the locals called screw pine leaves), wilk embarked on his mission to obtain a home-brewed soyabean milk, with my little trusty U-Like blender. I got the U-Like blender from Singapore from one of my motherhood forums' spree, with the sole purpose of pureering Avery's food and it came with an attachment for extracting soyabean milk. So there we go... all geared up to start.

So armed with a recipe printed from one of my blog links, we set off on our great quest for soyabean milk. First we soaked 300g of beans. But before that... a interesting problem. How do we tell how much is 300g of beans from a 1kg bag? Wilk suggested splitting the whole bag into 10 exact portions and then soak 3 of it. We debated about it for a while before decided that Wilk should just get a cooking weighing scale from the warehouse shop (it is like a mustafa in electronic goods) around the corner. So a weighing scale and soaked-bean night later, we were ready to make the soyabean milk.

First, the blending. The attachment was filled up to 3/4 with beans and boiling water then blended twice over, with one change of water. So far so good, till second round of beans when the motor of the blender suddenly stopped working. Apparently it had overheated and the motor automatically turns off. This happened twice and each time we had to wait 15 mins for the motor to cool down before we can resume blending. With 300g of beans, that was 4 change of beans, twice with cut pandan leaves inside.

Step two, once the beans were blended, the milk was poured through a sieve. To sieved out the powdery residue from the blended milk, we were supposed to pour it through a muslim cloth or coffee filter. Since we did not have either and couldn't find them in the Coles supermarket nearby... we used a clean baby nappy (folded in quarters) instead, thanks to a suggestion from Angela (we had dinner the other night and mentioned our intention to make soyabean milk). Worked really well and soon we had a nappy-ful of soyabean residue, and a pot full of smooth creamy soyabean milk.

Step three, cooking the milk with pandan leaves. This is relatively simple. Just boiling the milk in low heat with bunches of pandan leaves (scored and bundled) for 15-20mins then sugar is added to taste. After that, we are done. So far the 300g of beans yield about 1.5litre of soyabean milk which we painstakingly poured using a ladle into an empty 2litre juice carton which we had saved for the purpose. We also kept some unsugared portion for Avery. After all we ought to share the fruits of our labour with those we love right? All in all, that's 2 hours for 1.5litre of soyabean milk, now left cooling on our countertop, soon to be put into the fridge. And the taste... MmMmmm pretty good but i think we could perhaps hold back a little on the pandan.

Side note: We should have saved the soyabean pulp. Wilk remarked that it looked pretty 'edible' but he had already trashed it by the time i googled for it's uses. Apparently it is called okara and is pretty nutritious, used in many vegetarian dishes. There are also okara recipes online. Darn! Perhaps next time. I think we could probably add some pepper, salt.. fry it etc.. think will taste like tofu perhaps! Aiya.. wasted.

Well... there will probably be more "projects", esp now that we have a weighing scale (cant be just making soyabean milk right?). I think baking may be in order since we have a working oven. Time to look for interesting recipes online again.

Melbourne dreaming...

Time wheezed and here we are, family of 3 in Melbourne.

First, let's just go through what we had to do before we go on to the whole emotional feeling stuff...

Arrived on the 6th and since then, we have been cleaning and settling... and cleaning.. and well, more cleaning. We are staying at the condo my dad bought 12 years ago when my brother was studying here. It is not very big, 3 bedrooms/2 baths with a small kitchen & living/dining. Still, more than adequate for a family of 3. Since the place had been rented out to tenants for the last year, there were definitely quite a number of things to clean & sort out, starting from the kitchen. We also threw out a number of stuff which was unusable, which then necessitate us getting new things such as pots and pans. Thankfully, the apartment also came with an old car, left by my brother, which again, thankfully started on my first try (dad was in melb and changed the car battery back in March).

So for the first week, we were out everyday to get 'stuff'.. from groceries (QV market, Coles, Woolworths, Asian supermarket in Richmond) to cot mattress/baby stuff (Target, Myers, Baby Bunting at Hampstead rd). And everywhere that we went, baby was sure to go. Since there is no longer any more 'babysitter' available on hand, Avery goes where we go, including to Uni Melb when Wilk had to go do his enrolment. Did managed to get a evening 'off' and 3 of us had a nice dinner down at Docklands. The other nice thing about this condo is the location. We are just around the corner from QV market and the condo is just next to the CBD. 15mins walk away is Docklands & Southern Cross station where there are factory outlets etc. The free city circle tram is just outside though we have not used it yet. With the car, we have been going further afield such as to Ikea in Richmond (to pick up some furniture for baby and ourselves) and Footscray. We also went to Bawlyn to meet up with our friend who help us get a baby cot for Avery.

I guess it is so far so good. Appliances in the condo are working, so is the central heating (took us a while to figure it out) and we had started to cook dinner over the last few nights once the kitchen is cleaned out and stocked up. The only thing missing is a usable rice cooker (the old one was all scrapped inside with the teflon falling off so didn't think we should continue to use it) so we had been eating pasta, porridge and noodles for staple over simple dishes that we put together. Would be great to do more complicated stuff once we get the oven/grill cleaned and stock up on more stuff beyond the essentials. However, baby's been getting a great menu from the fresh veggies and fruits we have here. She is on to two meals of cereal a day and that's accompanied with 2 other side dishes (so far avocado, pumpkin, banana, apple, pear, potato, carrot). Actually looking forward to making more stuff for her because she is such a great little eater.
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Okie.. taking a breath...
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Frankly.. i have not tried to think about how i feel about all these. The move is a big thing for me.. our family and in order to concentrate on helping baby and us to settle in, i have just push any possible emotional baggage behind my mind. Wilk said that i am being an emotional ostrich (i.e. sticking head in the sand) but i think it had help me focus on what needs to be done without being caught up in fear, insecurity, apprehension and sadness. And by the time i have time to look at those feelings, i will be already living the 'Melbourne life'. So far, it had worked for me. Even now, thinking back on the departure, i do feel sadness about leaving things and people i am familiar with behind, but because things have stablize pretty much here, i am not seized by fear of the 'unknown'.

One think i know for certainty, i couldnt have done it without Wilk beside me, each step of the way. It is like the days when we were back in London, except we are so much older now and with a baby. He took charge of the heavy stuff like putting together the furniture and the sorting out the appliances etc so that i can concentrate on the baby. The best thing is, once the chores are done, we both have time to play and interact with the baby. I think that's the best thing that's happening right now and both of us are witnessing her growth together as it happens, instead of hearing it from other caregivers if we were back at work. I feels immensely satisfied that we had managed settling her into a nice routine on our own esp in the first few days when things were topsy turvy. Really, if we could do all that, there is nothing we couldn't do together as a family. With me and wilk working as a team and avery thriving despite all the swine flu thing flying around in Melbourne and being alone here on our own, I think we will do pretty okie...

Farewell Party

Colleagues threw me a farewell party last week in school, by the pool. We had pizza and sushi... And i was given a GPS (so that i wont get lost) as well as a Rainbow Book for rememberance of my time in RC. All the therapists and senior teachers were there, together with my principal (vice principal came later). Some of them, i've known since the first day i stepped into the job on 1st Feb 2001, others came after me and i've watched them 'grow' into their job just as others had watched me. It was a nice gathering.. tinged with sadness for me as i have to say goodbye to my first job and the people who had all, in some ways, made my work there memorable.

There's Fauziah, my principal... she was the one who supported me in all that i've done (even when my HOD did not) and gave me good solid advice for my work, my relationship with colleagues and even wrt my personal life.

Fiona, 1 of the two 'surviving' PPG left now (with PS)... I was there when she first came (left and then rejoin) to BSS and she has never failed to make me laugh. We were crazy enough to go travelling together to Alice's Spring and then sky diving in Perth... and man, i would do so again in a heartbeat cos she had been great company.

Puaysze, the other PPG... going to be a mommy soon and i am going to missed the arrival of her bb! Imagine that, one of the 'baby' of the PPG is going to be a mommy herself. I just know she will make a great mom (probably better than i) becos' she is so infinitely patient.

Mui Hoon, our SW... Solid, dependable... i think alot of things would have fallen apart if not for her. I enjoy how we complement each other at work and her maturity and views regarding our students families, really helped me see more than one side of things in my strong-headedness.

Sze Wee, HOD of SW... Same age but already a funky mother of 3. It is amazing how she keeps it all together when i am just barely coping with 1! I remembered Angela saying that they were there commenting about my hair on the day of my interview in BSS. Well, 7 years down the road, i think that's the last thing on her mind about me and we shared quite a lot of sound discussion along the way regarding the organization.

Murthy, HOD of SLT... ever the quiet gentleman. He may seem quite unassuming but he's been there so much longer than i have and i've always felt like a rookie in his company but i have had nothing much encouragement from him esp when i was still young in my job.

Cordilia, the psych i half-supervised after our HOD left... I hope i have done a fair job in supervising her. It is not easy, being a psych for EIPIC on her own and i wish her all the best... I am sure she is more than equip to do a good job.

Rozila & Izah, our PCMH snr teacher and EIPIC manager... one's quiet and other chatty... between the two of them, a wealth of mothering experience which they generously shared.

Binu, snr SLT... he joined just 1 year before i did and we had fun performing for our DnDs when we were young therapists. That was before he got married and now he is the proud daddy of two kids.

May Tun, snr PT... she is one of the most patient and giving lady i've met. She always makes me feel like i did so much when compared to her, it is really nothing. I remembered she would take time to massage my fractured arm even though it was after work. Till now, she insist that it was i who had helped her when it was the other way round.

The younger ones... Kartheek, Johnson, Hui Ting, Kate, Jenny... all the newbies whom i regret not knowing very well, except for those whom i 'bullied' during screening. Its always hard to get therapists and i know we have been lucky to have them working in RC.

Snr teachers like Syifaa, Siti, Peggy, Kin Fai, Latha... without their help, it would have been so tough serving the program... thanks to them, my work became easier.

Shah, HOP of STEP... though she could not be at the farewell... it would be amiss if i missed out this dynamo of a lady whom life has thrown onto my path when i joined RC and work for STEP. I can always disagree with her but there is no way i can ever be angry (for long anyway) becos of her enthusiasm for her program and exuberant spirit.

There are probably alot of people i should pen down my thoughts but... there are just too much.. the teachers, uncle teo, auntie jenny, willard, and all the kids and their families whom i know... I remembered Kenneth (my first ET kid), Timmy and his pretty mom, OCK, ZK (whom i had to go get ready for school with Angela at 630am at his home), Aaron, Bryan, Joel, Randy, Matthew, Neerai, Joan Marie, Eugene, Jared, Shawn, and so many more...

Boy... i am going to miss everyone.

33 and counting

Turned 33 yesterday in an altogether non-eventful day. Missed out on having a cake but the choc/raspberry mousse cake from babes the week before last more than made up for it (well, i did finish it all by myself *guilty*). Finally had a chance for a nice 'adult' luncheon with sue at an italian place (for some reasons, japanese restaurants just doesn't open in the afternoons around Robertson quay.. hahaha) which was very very nice (drool over the goose liver and seafood risotto). Oh, my first glass of red in a longggggg while (it is difficult to indulge when you are breastfeeding).

But the day's best gifts still come from the two people i love most in the world... my darling hubs and bb. Got a suave looking orange BabyG (my last BabyG's strap got really yucky, i know) and hubs & bb got together to make me a sweet comic book greeting plus a cute video recording of hubs singing Happy Bday alongside bb. Touching... :~)

Can't wait for the day when both of them can sing together for me on my bday...Heh heh :)

End of the road...

I've finally submitted my resignation. I will have to serve 2 months notice, starting after my maternity ends on the 19th of March. After taking into consideration the annual leave i'm suppose to have this year, my last day at work should be sometime in the first week of May.

It is not a shock to most at work since it was something in the pipelines for a while now. Actually quite a long while since i've spoken of it to my boss before my HOD herself quit 1 1/2 years ago. At that time i was frustrated with work, even though Wilk has not been prepared to go to Australia, i decided to quit and bum around for a bit. But when my HOD left, i just couldn't leave the dept with two new girls who just joined the organization. Besides, the major part of my frustrations lay with the way things were done by my HOD so when my boss asked me to stay on to help the new girls and dept, i decided to accept.

Over the last 1 1/2 years i have been working with the idea that i have to make the dept self-sufficient and effective without me there to support them. As the senior psych, my job scope really changed and i no longer had much times to really be with the kids. But i am quite satisfied with my new role as a supervisor and being able to be involved with the school's programs and policies as a senior staff. It made it easier for me to lay the things necessary for the dept to continue functioning without a head. Now that i am really going, i am at least glad to say that the decisions and supervision which i had been involved with, are things which i would not regret.

On the flip side, i am apprehensive moving from my comfort zone into the unknown. This job has been my first job and on looking back, i think i did a fairly good job of it and definitely learnt alot. It is with sadness now that i am leaving, as compared to more than a year ago, where it would have been a lot more bitterness and anger. I have many colleagues whom i am happy to call good friends now and i'd like to think that i made a difference in the lives of the kids and families whom i had seen and worked with. I know my bosses are genuinely sad to see me leave and would have preferred me taking no-pay leave for 2 years instead but i didn't think it would be fair since i am not sure when i will come back. However, given a chance, i think i will want to work with them again, despite all the challenges which i know the organization have.

Just over dinner the other night with my soon-to-be ex-colleagues, i realized how much i have changed in the last 7 years (it would have been my 8th year starting feb). What used to frustrate me about work, the helplessness i felt about the situation, now i felt that i can do something about it with the system that i am in. I've reached a position where my views are respected, sought after and held weight with the people above me. Though i have never been shy to express my views even while i was a 'rookie', i think i am more mature now and have learnt to put my points across with more effectiveness.

With new projects looming for the organization, i could have continue to contribute what i have but i guess i must draw a line somewhere and the time is now. At the back of my mind, one thing still holds true... no one is indispensible. I certainly do not think that i am indispensible but i want to ensure that before i leave, the people behind me would not have to take over a mess, the way which i had to. I also want to leave happy, with my head held high with no ill feelings or regrets. I guess i have achieved that in my own way.

My life as a mom...

Since Avery arrived, i hardly had anytime for myself, much less to blog. My mornings, afternoons and evenings (with the exception when wilk is around) are devoted to the little one. The initial 2 weeks were horrible as i had to deal with confinement and also taking care of her but things are getting into shape as i establish our routine together. Now, at least i can surf the web, watch tv and eat my meals whenever she is napping after her feeds.

Occasionally i still get abit of hang-ups that i couldn't go out as i please and take long naps but i guess that's the price of growing up and becoming a Mother. Now, if i get a chance to take a long shower, sit by myself and watch some tv while wilk is watching out for the baby, that's considered a bonus. In a way, i considered myself a pretty relax mom since i don't panic easily and taking things pretty easy regarding the care of baby. Trust me, good organizational/planning skills really goes a long way when fixing up the schedule such that i can go out for 1-2 hours on my own. The sleeping part, well, my body will just have to get used to it.